065 | Managing Gossip as a Church Leader (Small Group Leader, Women’s Ministry Leader, Children's Church Leader etc.)

Today, I’ll tackle a tricky topic: gossip in the church.

The one thing that I love about going to church is the fellowship. Talking freely with other Christians while enjoying a coffee or tea while the kids play. It’s nice.

And then, if you’re lucky, you get to attend a weekly small group meeting where 5-10 people usually come together to either unpack the sermon of the week or to learn about and unpack a new topic.

However, it’s in this fellowship that gossip can become an issue.

Satan will try and find a way to interject himself into Godly conversations and one way he does this is through gossip.

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One way that gossip masks itself is through concern.

Let’s use Sue as an example (fictional of course)

Sue might know someone who is going through a tough time and then share her concern with others, causing people to talk about that person.

Or Sue might know a piece of confidential information that someone might have shared with her and then share that with others by asking them to pray for that person.

Inadvertently, Sue is creating a gossip culture, where no one in the church can feel safe anymore because they can’t share any concerns with people they trust, for fear that it would be shared with others “out of concern” or because that person asked others to pray for them.

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Another way that gossip can mask itself is through the judgement and/or so called “empathy” towards others.

I’ve always found it super interesting that Christians, in general, are so super judgemental of others when Jesus himself came and broke all thought patterns about judging others.

And I’m 1000% including myself in this discussion, because I have found myself very guilty of this.

When someone does something that we know is sinful or specifically mentioned in the bible as a no-go-zone, then we are quick to judge them, and it becomes a topic of discussion with others.

"Oh, have you heard that Sue’s teenage daughter is pregnant? Isn’t it just such a shame? Sue must be so embarrassed."

Or "/have you heard the sad news that Sue and Jo are getting a divorce? It’s such a shame, isn’t it? I feel so sorry for Sue, because rumour has it that Jo cheated on her."

So, we’re talking about others, seemingly feeling sorry for them, but in actual fact we’re gossiping.

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Church communities can be small communities and the thing we know about communities is that there will always be people who love to know what is going on in the community with other people.

So what can we as leaders in the church do about this? Is it even your duty to do something about this?

Or should it just be the main leader, the pastor who as a duty of care?

 

No, I don’t believe it should be.

 

I believe that God gave all of us the ability to speak up, to say no to gossip and to not stand for it.

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What does the bible say about gossip?

Go and listen to episode 4 where I discuss in full what the bible says about gossip.

Proverbs 18:21 reads: “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences”

The Bible, both the Old and the New Testament, warns strongly against gossip and the effect that your words and your tongue can have.

God, however, doesn’t leave us in the lurch and say, “Figure it out by yourself”.

No, in true God-style, He gives us the tools, “the antidote” if you will, for dealing with gossip and for dealing with the gossipers.

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Ephesians 4:32 “Instead, be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God through Christ has forgiven you.

This verse requests that we be kind to each other, and tender-hearted (which according to Webster dictionary means compassionate)

Forgive the person, just like Christ has forgiven you.

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Proverbs 17:9 says, “He who covers over an offence promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”

Basically, stop the gossip with you, don’t spread it any further. You can make the choice to not gossip anymore if this is an issue for you.

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Proverbs 20:19 tells us, “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much

As a leader, it is crucial that we do not betray someone’s trust. Whatever is said to you should remain confidential, unless it’s life-threatening and you are compelled to speak up to another leader, but do not utter a word to anyone else. Do not fall in that trap.

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Lastly 1 Timothy 18:15-18 reads: “If another believer sins against, you, go privately and point out the offence. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you may say be confirmed by two or three witnesses.

In a church environment, this would translate to going directly to that person and asking them to stop spreading rumours and gossiping

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The main things that I would like you to take away from today’s podcast is:

1. Take gossip seriously, it can have long-term effects on you and the church
2. Speak up against gossip, address it directly with the person/person’s involved
3. If you are struggling with gossip yourself, pray that the Lord will guide you and help you to stop, so that you can show integrity at church and not only talk the talk, but walk the walk.

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